Halloween Jokes
October 06, 2017 6:00 AM ‐ Halloween
This article is more than seven years old and was last updated in October 2022.
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The funniest and best jokes about Halloween, ghosts and monsters, guaranteed no bad jokes about "ice cream" or "no body to go with." Plus spooky one-liners and the finest Halloween puns.
Q: What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
A: He is mist.
Q: What are ghosts' favourite kind of streets?
A: Dead ends
Q: What do you call two spiders that just got married?
A: Newlywebbed
Q: How does a female vampire flirt?
A: She bats her eyes.
Q: What can't you give the headless horseman?
A: A headache.
Q: What do you call two witches living together?
A: Broommates.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the Halloween party?
A: He didn't have the guts.
Q: Why was the mummy so tense?
A: Because he was all wound up.
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"This Halloween the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him."
Conan O'Brien
Q: Why do ghosts like to ride elevators?
A: It lifts their spirits.
Q: Where do vampires keep their money?
A: In a blood bank.
Q: What are a ghosts' favourite rides at the fun fair?
A: The rollerghoster.
Q: What do you call a cleaning skeleton with a broom?
A: The Grim Sweeper.
Q: How do you write a book about halloween?
A: Use a ghostwriter.
Q: Why didn't the vampire bite Taylor Swift?
A: Because she had bad blood.
Q: How many vampires are in this room?
A: I dont know, I cant Count Draculas.
Q: Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
A: To stop his coffin.
"Demons are a ghoul's best friend."
Anon
Q: What Do You call A Single Vampire?
A: A bat-chelor.
Q: What is a vampires least favourite food?
A: Steak.
Q: What type of dog does every vampire have?
A: Bloodhound.
Q: Why did the skeleton stay out in the snow all night?
A: He was a numb skull.
Q: Why don't skeleton ever get angry?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin.
Q: What do witches get at hotels?
A: Broom service.
Q: Why don't angry witches ride their brooms?
A: They might fly off the handle.
Q: How do monsters tell their future?
A: They read their horrorscope.
"Being in a band you can wear whatever you want - it's like an excuse for Halloween every day."
Gwen Stefani
Q: Do zombies eat pizza with their fingers?
A: No, they eat the fingers separately.
Q: What's a ghosts favourite meal?
A: Spooketi
Q: What lesson are witches best at in school?
A: Spelling.
Q: Why are ghosts so bad at telling lies?
A: You can see right through them.
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.
Q: What goes around a haunted house and never stops?
A: A fence.
Q: Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets?
A: Bootiques.
Q: How does a skeleton get into his house?
A: He uses a skeleton key.
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